it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
