it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
