thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
