Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
