Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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