I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
