There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
