it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
