fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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