i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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