im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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