Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This is classic penis vs brain.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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