i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
