yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
