She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
