There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
