I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
