so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
