She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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