nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
