Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize