i just wanna soil my oats bro
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So much rum. So many feels.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
