You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
