my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
