Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
she pinky promised me she was 18
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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