I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You need a sexual gate keeper
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
