shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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