Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
