he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
