and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
