And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
