I want to have your abortion
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
