tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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