if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize