Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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