I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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