as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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