dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
