you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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