Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Congratulations! We have a period
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
