i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
