A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
