just come out here and I will go home with you...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
