and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
