Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
