sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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