Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
