You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize