Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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