I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
