my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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