It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
