Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
