you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
