Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
