he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
