i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
