Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
