I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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