it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
