Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
