Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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