Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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