my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
