Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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