I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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