I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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