I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
