while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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