I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I want to make a zoo with you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
