i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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