so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
