The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
