Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
