Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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