he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just pee around me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
