So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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