I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
