my being single is dangerous.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
