What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
