i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
