i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
