I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
