You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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