My friends, they love my intelligence
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
