matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
NoShamevember. You game?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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