Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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