I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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