I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
