I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
