My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize