The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
