half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
