there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
