i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
