Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
