apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize