I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
