just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
