my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
