Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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