Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
