yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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