I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
