we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
