ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
