alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
